A letter to self … Year 30

Dear Stacy of the past 29 years,

You’ve been blessed to grace this earth with your presence by an omnipotent power, to fulfill a mandate and execute your purpose for reasons greater than your self. That road has not been easy but you do it anyhow, with much vigor, enthusiasm, grace and class. Perfect? No, but your perfect imperfections are infectious and have crafted you into who you are. Every thing in life has been calculated and there wasn’t much that you haven’t dealt with. Life has certainly served you your fair share but you’ve managed to take what you were given and made the best of it; with little to no excuses. Many times you wanted to give up on everything but your inner strength would never allow it. Somehow you always knew there was more to give and more to do. And sometimes with a broken heart and crushed spirit you still managed to smile. If life has thought you only one thing, it’s never get too comfortable or too complacent that you lose your drive to win, no matter the circumstance. Every trial, every pain, every mistake, every opportunity and every victory you’ve experienced thus far is well in alignment for where you’re headed in the next 30+ years. Use those experiences and go conquer the world! That was the refining process, the edging and cutting, the burning of the fiery furnace to create gold, now stands a brilliant diamond …. Go let your light shine ever so brightly from every facet.

With love,

Stacy of the present

When…

When…She’s up, motivated and spritely

Nothing can stop her. She’s the force that exudes energy, a raging ball of fire that will consume anything that attempts to stop her grind. She allows nothing or no one to get in her way; although meek, she’s powerful. And with knowledge of the power she possess she can be dangerous but, instead she chooses to remain humble, she only exercises her powers when needed.

When….She’s down, she cries like a baby. In silence, she screams for help but often these cries go unheard. She mopes around feeling unworthy, unwanted, undeserving… helpless. Self resentment occurs as she judges and critiques everything about herself. She hits rock bottom and falls into a pit of depression only to face this demon alone.

Who’d think such a person can be both? When it’s good, it’s good and when it’s bad, things are horrible.

But when,

When….She remembers to give thanks with a sincere heart, when she re-centre and refocus herself, there’s an alignment within and everything else fall into place. This sudden shift, a balance so unexplainable, seems magical.

Love ❤️ Eclipse

Your light shines brighter than before, sparked with the flames of the one you adore.

Your love…I live for, it’s unique and remarkable, the depths of which are unforeseen, untold and exclusively mine. But lately there’s something that’s been blocking your shine.

Another source, another body of love that’s so much stronger, it has infiltrated our realm and gotten between us.

I’d like to think I can have both but my weak heart cannot bare the two. Which one is real? Which one is true?

A decision I don’t want to make, and neither would I utter from these lips,

A love that’s possibly temporary, I call it an ‘Eclipse’. 🌖🌗🌘🌑🌒🌓🌔

N.B.: A class assignment inspired by the eclipse 21/8/17.

Dear Me

Dear Me,

I really miss you. I miss your cute smile, your time management skills, your spontaneity, your courage and your wittiness. You used to be so brave and courageous and you loved without limits. Whatever happened to that?

Did you let the world get to you so much so that you now live so guarded? You used to be so carefree; your fun-filled spirit could light up any room and anyone that you met almost instantaneously fell in love with your genuine self and personable personality.

Why did you allow life to restrain you and lock you away? Why did you allow it to take away your character traits? Do you even know and still believe in who you are?

I know in life change is sometimes inevitable, but some things only need to be enhanced more so than changed. Change is supposed to be for the better, for the greater good so I say embrace it, but I miss you! I need you! Someone else does too, I'm sure of it!

Let's find a way to merge the old with the new, you know what I mean? There's this thing call BALANCE. Let's seek more of that. I love you always.

Love,

Your inner self!

The Goodbye that feels Good!

No one likes goodbyes and I for one, I'm no different. The anxiety of the unknown coupled with grief of loss can leave you crippled, numb and outright fearful.

Some goodbyes are expected meanwhile others just happen, unexpected and unannounced. But no matter the foreseeable or unforeseen, they all hurt like hell.

I prayed for a goodbye. I prayed constantly and continuously. I prayed for a goodbye from pain and hurt, from manipulation and frustration, from depression and anxiety and to me from negative energy and people.

Well one day my prayers were answered in an unexpected way. Everything I prayed to get rid of I began to hold on to in fear. It was the fear of not knowing how to live happily with a clear conscience and free mind. It was the fear of not being so naive that I was easily manipulated and the fear of actually loving me with every flaw I possess, every imperfection.

I didn't want to say goodbye anymore. I wanted to keep what was familiar even to the detriment of myself. But a part of me wanted more, it said to me "You deserve more". And so I gave in to that 'foolish' thought and decided to let go!

I embraced my flaws. I smiled when God started moving negative people and situations from my life. The space that was filled but was void, became available; available to accept the things which I truly wanted and deserved. I learned to accept my imperfections and challenge my emotions. No longer will I allow them to dictate to me but I will feel them, accept them and respond accordingly.

I said goodbye, and for once it was the goodbye that actually felt GOOD!

Soul……. mate

You touched me without touching me, I levitated.

You spoke to me without actually speaking, my heart felt it.

You caress my mind and my soul craves you, there's this energy from within.

And when you do speak, it's those allusive yet subtle innuendos that leaves me weak.

It's intriguing to say the least and never has anyone awaken the sleeping beast, that is my mind.

Mere words creatively aligned and whispered, you've made my brain climax.

I often think about if ever the mental will meet the physical and be greeted by the soul, to create something so powerful that we can't control.

In the natural there's good energy, chemistry and physical attraction but in reality, these are insufficient considering there's a Bigger situation…. Soul……. mate

Refocus

Okay, so you're in a rut. You're feeling hopeless and depression is beginning to set in. You've made a mistake.

What's next? Do you wallow in self-pity or get back up and start over?

"But what I did was so bad, so extreme, so sinful", is what you exclaim. Okay and?! Does it give you a right to self-loathe and keep re-living the past? Do you know that you're giving it more power by doing that?

Remember this… stop, breathe and refocus. It's time to re-strategize. Recall those goals you once set out to do before you stumbled; yeah the ones that's going to make you successful. Use the energy you're wasting in guilt and power your dreams.

Oh, and those feelings and emotions you felt before the fall, including the ones that may have led you into doing what you now regret, feel them, but this time, in the decision making process, choose to go the other route!

We all mess up whether intentionally or not but it shouldn't kill your dreams and your drive. One bad decision doesn't determine your character. Remember…. Refocus! 😘

I’m feeling…. (Intimacy)

What do you do when the feeling of wanting to belong, wanting to feel loved or simply cuddle with someone, but you’ve made the decision to not date and also to practice celebacy? 

These feelings are real and in making the decision to be celebate, we often overlook these feelings or we think we would be able to mask or control them. 

Our nature craves companionship and intimacy, it’s a natural feeling. I’m not talking about sexual relations but intimacy in a sense of ‘belonging’. 

Sometimes as a human being, you crave the companship of the opposite sex. You want more than just your friends coaching you along the journey. You want someone to tell you just how beautiful you are, how sincere, intriguing and motivating you are, and you want them to mean it. It’s something about hearing those things from someone other than your family or close friends that seems to hit a soft spot inside you. 

So what do you do when you’re feeling ‘some type of way’? … One, you accept the way you feel. Don’t try to mask those feelings by saying, “I shouldn’t feel this way” or experience guilt for feeling such a way; instead own your feelings and learn your trigger points. Learn what drives those emotions and how you can deal with them. 

Second, you should know it’s okay to be in the company of the opposite sex but you must be strong enough to not comprise yourself. Having accountability partners are crucial and you should know before hand, the person whose company you’re going to be in. Be honest about your goals and celibacy and your expectations for wanting to meet with them. 

Isolation can be unhealthy. It’s also not natural. Our creator made us for relationships (friendship, marriages, families). 

It’s okay to feel, it’s okay to socialize, it’s okay to date! You must set standards and boundaries, as these would help you stick to your goals while being a social butterfly. 

My Chemical Peel

Recently I got a Chemical Peel to remove dead skin cells and to rejuvenate new ones as part of the process for treating acne scarring and blemishes. I was excited as anyone would be because I finally found a remedy to clear my skin and not only that, it was going to be done by someone I totally trusted to care for my skin.

 I showed up for my appointment happy but nervous as well. The nerves began telling on me when I started to think about the process. Just prior to my appointment, I went online and did what I call ‘research’. I viewed testimonials of clients who spoke about the shedding, swelling and plush red faces which begins days after the Peel. I even saw a video of a Peel ‘gone wrong’. As a result, I began to change my mind on  wanting to have the procedure done. Then I asked myself, “Have you forgotten the reason why you’re getting this Peel?” And with that one nugget, I immediately found enough motivation to continue the process. 

Life can be a similar to a getting Chemical Peel. We start off wanting something so bad like fulfilling a dream or pursuing life’s purpose but when we look at the ‘when, how, why, what, and who’ we become tense and afraid; some people even abort the mission entirely.

We have to understand that every process isn’t going to be peachy. And like the Chemical Peel, the shedding away of the old to bring afresh the new, has to occur in order for good success. We should always keep in the mind the reason why we’re doing what we’re doing. And like my trusted esthetictician, if you believe in God the way maker, you can rest your trust in Him and be comforted. He will bring you to your destination.